Author: Matt Ellis

    Freelance web writer. I like science, comics, and long walks on the beach. I write and draw this webcomic in crayon.


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    Check out my most recent posts:

  • Tree Tent
    Going Off The Grid: Essential Camping and Survival Gear

    Wish you could go back to a simpler time, when man didn’t need to concern himself with things like taxes or mortgages… Back in the good old days, all a man had to worry about was filling...

    • Posted 2 months ago
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  • Bowser Beer for Dogs
    Pet Toys Fido Would Buy If His Card Wasn’t Maxed Out

    The bond between us and our dogs and cats is much stronger than that of just mere pets… we prefer to think of them as servants or slaves. Minions, even. And the lesson we learned when we...

    • Posted 9 months ago
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  • Sonic Bomb Dual Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker
    5 Evil Alarm Clocks That Will Force Snooze Addicts to Wake Up

    Have you ever chosen snoozing over your job? For some of us, it’s a critical decision we make every single day of our lives. Those first moments in the early morning are a chaotic warzone where your...

    • Posted 1 year ago
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  • Photoshop Animal Hybrids Featured
    Photoshopped Animal Hybrids that may live in your Nightmares

    Animals are so cute! And what’s better than picture of one animal? A picture of two animals, morphed together into an ungodly abomination that would make the Human Centipede scientist jealous. Hence, the photoshopped hybrid animals trend....

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • Parrot Flower Power
    10 Lawn and Garden Tools for Feeling Superior to Nature

    Despite the bugs, the manual labor, and the soul-withering heat, for some strange and unknown reason, we love gardening. There’s just something about backseat driving with Mother Nature, telling her what plants should go where because, after...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • Disney Parent Jasmine
    What If Disney Characters Were Parents?

    Disney has made a fortune by not preparing kids for reality. One of the appeals of Disney movies is escaping to a fantasy world where candlesticks talk, carpets fly, and every character has their own quirky animal...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • Art Meme 13
    13 Best Classic Art Memes

    If nothing else, The Checkout is known for its class. We’re a sophisticated consumer goods blog. We appreciate the finer things. We watch movies with subtitles. Our distinguished palettes can detect the subtle differences between wine and...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • The Killing Joke 1
    Finally, The Killing Joke Movie We Deserve AND Need

    In 1988, one of the greatest comic book writers of all time penned the origin story of one of the most popular villains of all time in a graphic novel vignette from one of the most popular...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • BloomThat
    Oh Crap, I Forgot Mother’s Day! 7 Last Minute Gift Ideas

    It’s no big deal that you forgot Mother’s Day. You’re just a horrible son or daughter with no appreciation for the tireless sacrifices of the woman that gave you life, that’s all. But fear not — there’s...

    • Posted 3 years ago
    • 1
  • Cards Against Humanity 1
    Shut Up and Take My Money: Cards Against Humanity Complete Set and Case

    It’s not easy having a dark and depraved sense of humor. Our sensible friends stopped talking to us. The family-friendly prime time lineup can’t entertain us. And the people who we do get along with and who...

    • Posted 3 years ago
    • 2
  • Captain America Civil War
    Captain America Civil War: Why Are Good Guys Fighting Each Other?

    A long, long time ago… 2006… a small print shop known simply as “Marvel” released a seven-issue, limited series crossover special in which teams of virtuous heroes took time away from fighting the evils of the world...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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  • Batman v Superman
    Everything You Need to Know about Batman v Superman

    For decades, perhaps even centuries, comic-book fans have gathered around dimly-lit basements to discuss the unanswerable questions. For them, the standard ones like “What is the sound of one-hand clapping,” or “If a tree falls in the...

    • Posted 3 years ago
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