The Dos and Don’ts of using Amazon Prime Air drone delivery

Are you ready for Amazon Prime Air drones to take to the skies? Amazon certainly thinks they are. New details from the company indicate that Prime Air is getting closer to primetime with a promise of 30-minute delivery windows for packages under five pounds. The range of the drones will be roughly 10 miles from an Amazon warehouse.

Of course, this new delivery method will be a learning curve for consumers, who are used to packages being delivered by an actual person. We’ve put together a handy Dos and Don’ts guide for anyone interested in Prime delivery.

DO order items that you need right away

The whole point of a 30-minute delivery window is that you will likely be paying a premium for super-fast delivery.

• Are you about to run out of chips at your Super Bowl party? Order up some Scoops pronto!
• Did you forget to hit CVS before Netflix & Chill night? Order up some drone-delivered protection!
• Are you an idiot that forgot your anniversary? Make it rain pretty rocks, digital entertainment or whatever they like before your significant other realizes you are a clueless buffoon.

DON’T order items that can wait for two days

Do you really need an adult coloring book in 30-minutes or less? If the answer to that question is yes, you may need to adjust some of your priorities in life.

Think about what you order with your free two day shipping right now and make a decision if it’s worth paying a premium to have it immediately. The answer will likely be no for 95 percent of the items you order over the year.

DO clear a space for the drone to drop your package

According to Amazon’s promo video, a Prime Air drone will search for an open space to drop a package in your yard. This may also include the driveway, assuming it’s a flat enough surface for landing. If you have a yard crowded with plants or a driveway littered with kids toys, that drone might just fly back to home base, taking your package far, far away.

DON’T run around your yard with your hands reaching to the sky during delivery

You aren’t going to be the deciding factor if that drone lands. There’s no one actually controlling the drone. There’s no one watching you flailing around like a Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man at a used car lot.

Well, no one except your neighbors. The same neighbors that are filming your general idiocy and getting ready to upload it to YouTube to become the next viral sensation. They are going to make so much ad revenue off you!

DO tell paranoid neighbors that you are getting a package delivered

If you live near self-absorbed people that think their boring lives are actually important enough to be spied upon, it may be a good idea to let them know Amazon is air-dropping a package on your front lawn within the next 30 minutes.

That will provide them with plenty of time to close the curtains and hide from the sky robots that are invading their space. We also recommend waiting inside until the drone flies off, just in case your neighbor tries to take a potshot at Prime Air with a shotgun.

DON’T shoot Prime Air drones out of the sky and mount them over your fireplace

Sure, you could use Amazon to order all the tools you need to take down a drone; like this slingshot, or this cargo net or this Raspberry Pi (for all the super-hackers). Hell, you could have those items delivered by Amazon drone first for an extra layer of delicious irony.

However, the extremely severe legal consequences of drone destruction will be problematic, if you are the kind of person that likes to avoid prison. It’s highly likely that the drones will have some sort of internal GPS locating system which will lead the police right to your front door.

DO snag your package off the lawn before it’s stolen by people / raccoons / other drones

The obvious downside to getting a package delivered in the middle of your yard is that anyone can obviously see it. The UPS guy can hide it a bit, but that’s something a drone simply can’t do. YET…

If you live in a neighborhood of thieves, run for that package as soon as it’s dropped off, perform a barrel roll when picking it up and throw it to a trusted family member before the raccoons attack.

DON’T try to return items by duct taping packages to Prime Air drones

If you have to return an item, that fancy drone won’t be taking it back. You will need to go through UPS / Fedex / USPS in order to return it. I know, it’s sooooo 2015. Maybe Amazon will finally get with the times one of these days.

DO email Amazon customer service when your drone delivery is late or missing

One of the little known perks of Amazon Prime is that customer service reps will offer a credit if you simply complain about a missed delivery window.

Since this is common with one-day and two-day deliveries, it’s likely going to be the same with 30-minute Prime Air deliveries. If they can’t deliver in 30 minutes or less, get your money back on the premium shipping costs! And demand a free pizza.

DON’T send out your own drone to hunt down the missing drone / package

This isn’t Taken. Your drone isn’t the robot version of Liam Neeson. The odds of you finding Amazon’s lost drone wandering the pale blue yonder are Slim to None. And Slim just rode out of town.

Even if you were able to locate the drone, you would need one of these drones to blast a giant net at it and carry it back to your home base for package extraction.

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One Comment

1. 

   jacob

   August 29, 2017 at 12:25 am

   Latest technology

   Reply