Alien Movie Memorabilia to Mourn Neill Blomkamp’s Alien Non-Movie

Last week Neill Blomkamp, the dude who made the wonderful District 9 and the not-so-wonderful Elysium, posted a couple shots on Twitter of his ideas for another movie in the Alien franchise. It’s mostly concept art, and Blomkamp admitted there was never anything official about his Alien movie, but to say it didn’t pique the interest of hopeful fans would be an understatement. His particularly visceral sense for action sequences and special effects might have played handily into what many consider the most terrifying movie monster ever created.

Our last look at the creature in Prometheus, Ridely Scott’s oft-lambasted attempt to reenter the science fiction universe he himself spawned, proved more or less a failure in the eyes of the masses. Perhaps reuniting Ripley and Hicks, instead of the way Alien 3 decided to begin, was the way to go:

Here’s a solid rundown of everything in Blomkamp’s teaser. Unfortunately, the release of these pictures comes only as result of Blomkamp apparently giving up on the project.

Ps this has nothing to do with the studio. I just feel like I might do something else instead. In which case why not show some work-

— Neill Blomkamp (@NeillBlomkamp) January 2, 2015

And still we feel the loss. Let’s buy stuff to make up for the newly formed hole in our lives!

A USB-Powered Alien That Doesn’t Save Stuff

You might look at the following picture and assume this thing has some sort of computing utility. You’d be wrong.

$41 on Amazon

On the other hand, it’s a tiny little Xenomorph that sits on your monitor or desk and sticks its tongue out at you when you turn your computer on. Straight out of Japan, glamorized with a listing on Amazon of “USB Alien with Illuminated Tongue,” the little guy seems to have the exact right proportions to straddle the line between cute and authentic. There is one strange deviation from the creature’s designs: this one has two tails.

Alien Chestburster Plush

This one’s been around for a time now, but in the halls of Alien memorabilia, it’s an absolute classic. The reason for that isn’t so obvious.

$30 at Think Geek

This is about as adorable as something called a Chestburster is ever going to get. The best part, which was hinted at so cleverly before, is the wire channel along the inside of the snake-like body that you can use to pose your new lethal little buddy. Just try not to do the cliche thing and cut a hole in your shirt.

Deluxe Alien FaceHugger Mask

The progenitor of the Chestburster, the FaceHugger (thanks, by the way, unimaginative fan-base forced to fill in the lore blanks), has always been less an identifiable creature and more a complete horror show in animal form. It has one purpose and that’s to hug your face, beginning the slow and terrifying process of using your body’s natural functions to then create the thing that will inevitably explode out of said body. Naturally, it deserves to be a mask.

 $50 at Think Geek

If you aren’t planning a science-fiction/Shakespeare mash-up like the guy in the picture, don’t worry, the applications are at least a little closer to endless than none at all. Halloween, of course, comes to mind. But there’s also Easter, Christmas, Hanuka and the Fourth of July. When people ask, just put your head down and start stroking your face. They won’t ask again.

LV-426 Travel Poster

This image is a test. Put it on a wall, invite someone over. As this mysterious guest enters the room, allow his or her eyes to travel the decorum, hopping from one object to the next, taking in the spacial representation of none other than you. Those eyes will eventually meet the relatively ambiguous poster, “LV-426” plastered with importance and personal significance. Read this person’s reaction. Know this person. Know that this person can know you, can know what you know, can love what you love.

 $6 at All Posters

 Best of all, gaze upon the silhouette of a Xenomorph Before Christmas and know that you too can look up and see the same stars it can, on this very night. And sing to yourself. Perhaps it’s singing the same song too. Now stroke the FaceHugger mask on your face.

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