Wish you could go back to a simpler time, when man didn’t need to concern himself with things like taxes or mortgages… Back in the good old days, all a man had to worry about was filling his belly for the night (and disease, famine, the weather, millions of naturally occurring poisons, other humans, the wrath of the Sun God, bears). And there’s no better way to experience that kind of simplicity than camping – and isn’t that what camping is all about? The great outdoors. The fresh air. The peace and tranquility. The miles of forest separating you from the people with a warrant.

So You’re Going Off The Grid… well, congratulations. First things first, you’ll need some Camping and Survival Gear. Because man is cruel, but Mother Nature is a goddamn sadist.

LifeStraw Personal Water Filter

Mmm, swamp water! Why is everything delicious always bad for you? Just like in Tijuana, drinking the water may be dangerous. But if you have the LifeStraw Personal Water Filter, the world is your malted milkshake just one straw away from being in your stomach.  This thing is better than chlorine for disinfecting water, and a lot more tasty.

Check Amazon for the LifeStraw Personal Water Filter

Swedish FireSteel Strike Fire Starter

Yeah, after seeing Castaway, we’re not thrilled about starting our own fires.  But when the nearest convenience store is many moons away, getting a lighter might now be an option. While the Swiss have their army knives, the Swedes have their Swedish FireSteel Strike Fire Starter – light your tinder in a few strikes. No frustration, no blood, no Wilson.

Check Amazon for the Swedish FireSteel Strike Fire Starter

4-in-1 Woodsman

Sorry, we take back what we said before… the truth is, this is what camping is about: hacking, slashing, cutting, and pounding! In fact, this is what life is about, and we’re tempted to buy the 4-in-1 Woodsman as a toy instead of a tool.

Buy the 4-in-1 Woodsman Here

Klymit Inertia Camping Mattress

All that running from the law must have done a number on your back, but sleeping bags are a far cry from your posturepedic support mattress. If you’re looking to soften your roughing it experience, the Klymit Inertia Camping Mattress features a body mapping capability that molds to your body.

Check Amazon for the Klymit Inertia Camping Mattress

ZODI Hot Camp Shower

I know what you’re thinking… “But the best part of camping is not showering!” Before you scoff, I want you to consider something:  Week 10, when you’re more pit stain than person. You’ll be glad you packed the ZODI Hot Camp Shower then.

Check Amazon for the ZODI Hot Camp Shower

Tree Tent

You’ve heard the park rangers say to tie up your food in a tree so bears can get to it, right? Well, to a bear, you are also food. Ipso facto, get your ass up in a tree before a bear eats you! The Tree Tent is more than just a tent, or a tree – it’s a home! The 3-meter sphere features a floor plan with a sleeping area, a cooking area, a dining area, and a “mess” area (think about it). We’re going to wait for the version with a foyer and wine cellar.

Buy the Tree Tent Here

Going Off The Grid: Essential Camping and Survival Gear

Despite the bugs, the manual labor, and the soul-withering heat, for some strange and unknown reason, we love gardening. There’s just something about backseat driving with Mother Nature, telling her what plants should go where because, after all, it’s your land now.

But, as with all struggles of mankind versus nature, the only real advantage we have are tools. Whether a shovel fashioned out of rocks and sticks, or an app that hires a professional gardener, tools can make the difference between garden and a bunch of plants.

This summer, enjoy these 10 lawn and garden tools to turn your yardwork into yardplay

1. Black & Decker Alligator Lopper

Just look at it! Good thing you’re a gardener so you have an excuse to buy such a cool-looking machine!

The Black & Decker Alligator Lopper ($67.00) takes all the fun of a chainsaw, shrinks it, and gives it clamping jaws. Logs and branches up to 4 in. tremble in fear at the sight of its 4.5 amp motor. Perfect for tree pruning, large plant sheering, and zombie attacks.

Buy the Black & Decker Alligator Lopper Now

2. Togetherfarm Blocks

Maybe they’re not Legos, exactly, but the Togetherfarm Blocks ($74.99) make up for it by being specifically attuned to gardening. Made from recycled, food-grade plastic, these Lego style blocks allow creative gardeners and their children to build plant containers however their imaginations want. You can use them for raised flower beds or protection against weeds, and there’s even built-in allotments for trells.

Buy the Togetherfarm Blocks Now

3. GreenWorks Cordless Pole Saw

Think you can trim those high-up tree branches by tying your chainsaw to a long pole? I’d advise against it — I lost an uncle that way. Instead, take advantage of the GreenWorks Cordless Pole Saw ($148.99). It operates on a battery and charger so you don’t have to worry about wires or extension cords, and the aluminum shaft extends up to 8 feet. It’s also equally effective for shorter trees within 8 feet of your living room window.

Buy the GreenWorks Cordless Pole Saw Now

4. Bird Photo Booth 2.0

You’re not the only one who enjoys your garden, you know. Bird-watchers don’t have to try nearly so hard with the Bird Photo Booth 2.0 ($59.95). This bird-feeder, up-close camera combination satisfies both your curiosity and the bird’s megalomaniacal vanity.

This Kickstarter favorite can work one of two ways: You can let the motion-sensor camera do all the work, or place your iPhone or Android smartphone in the weatherproof case and control the shots via an included Bluetooth remote. No more of those second-rate, amateur photoshoots for your starlet starlings.

Buy the Bird Photo Booth 2.0 Now

5. GrowOya Irrigation Pot

You have to water the garden how often!? Every day!? Jeez, if I knew gardening was so much work, I would have just gone to the supermarket for tomatoes.

If you’re one of those gardeners that hates going outside, interacting with your plants, or gardening in general, the GrowOya Irrigation Pot ($24-30) is just what you need. Just bury this porous clay pot up to the neck in your garden and fill it with water. The natural time-release will keep your plants hydrated on a schedule, cutting your your watering time. Make sure you get the right size for your garden.

Buy the GrowOya Irrigation Pot Now

6. Bigfoot Boot/Shoe-in Slipper

Just because you’re gardening all day doesn’t mean you’re outside all day. Sooner or later, there will be something you need indoors, even if just the bathroom. That’s when the Bigfoot Boot/Shoe-in Slipper ($34.50 – SALE) is perfect. These shoes for your shoes protect your floors from whatever dirt and mud you’ve collected when gardening.

Buy the Bigfoot Boot/Shoe-in Slipper Now

7. ScareCrow Motion Activated Animal Repellent

We’re on the verge of inventing microscopic robots that carry medicine inside our bloodstreams — are you still using hay-filled scarecrows to chase away pests? The ScareCrow Motion Activated Animal Repellent ($54.00) uses motion-activated technology to repeal animals like deer, rabbits, raccoons, and more up to 1,200 feet away. Ecological and cruelty-free, the device uses a simple spurt of water to enforce your garden’s boundaries.

Buy the ScareCrow Motion Activated Animal Repellent Now

8. Parrot Flower Power

Gardening? There’s an app for that. If your favorite part of gardening is sitting on your couch and playing on your phone, the Parrot Flower Power ($59.99) is just what you need.

You just have to leave the couch for a few seconds to plant the sensor in the desired area, and then check your phone to see the status of your plants. The app will tell you if your plants have enough sunlight and water, plus whether the temperature and soil nutrients are adequate. How did farmers grow anything before smartphones?

Buy the Parrot Flower Power Now

9. Ohuhu Garden Kneeler and Tool Pouch

Activities that involve getting on your knees aren’t usually recreational, but hey, neither are ones that involve digging holes, so gardening is just special. Still, if you want to save some wear-and-tear and your body’s most valuable joints, the Ohuhu Garden Kneeler and Tool Pouch ($26.99) can help.

Providing cushiony support why your serve your almighty plant overlords, this kneeler also comes with a hand tool pouch to keep everything you need nicely organized in front of you. And what if you’re dealing with slightly higher plants? Simply turn it upside-down and it becomes a chair.

Buy the Ohuhu Garden Kneeler and Tool Pouch Now

10. Misty Mate Keepin’ Cool 6 Portable Misting System

You’ve been out working on your lawn and garden all day, when suddenly you realize, “OMG, it’s freakin’ hot outside!” You need to take a break in the shade and cool off, and that’s where the Misty Mate Keepin’ Cool 6 Portable Misting System comes in handy.

Using a pre-assembled system of 6 misters, this life-saver creates a blanket of mist that extends 10 feet. Mist is not playing around — this device has been proven to reduce the ambient temperature by up to 30 degrees. Attach it to your patio fascia and enjoy the view of your garden in the way nature intended: surrounded by an artificial cloud of water.

Buy the Misty Mate Keepin’ Cool 6 Portable Misting System Now

10 Lawn and Garden Tools for Feeling Superior to Nature

Everybody knows gnomes are real. How else do plants grow so tall – photosynthesizing sunlight into energy using chlorophyll? What kind of magic mumbo-jumbo is that? You might as well say they hocus-pocus energy out of abracadabra! No, in the age of science, the only logical explanation for what makes our gardens grow is tiny humanoids that live underground.  And they wear pointy hats.

We rely on garden gnomes for so much, and yet we know almost nothing about their culture. It’s hard to study a species that spends most of their time underground because they’re kind of stuck-up. Luckily, recent discoveries have shed some light on these dark-dwellers, and we now know that, like humans, not all gnomes are the same.  Apparently gnomish culture has its own societal norms, mostly involving gardening, hanging around with dopey expressions, or looking satisfied after a long day of work. And wherever there are societal norms… there are always the misfits.

Scarface Gnome

When a gnome says to us, “say hello to my little friend,” our first thought is, “oh, he’s bringing along his little gnome drinking buddy.” It never occurred to us that the Scarface Gnome was referring to his gun… and that was the last mistake we ever made. And you’ll be glad you have a gnome packin’ more than a bushel of vegetables in your garden – you’re going to need that firepower for…

Buy the Scarface Gnome Here

Zombie Gnomes

The lawn flamingo never had a chance. The Zombie Gnomes set a frightening tableau of a post-apocalyptic garden, one where the only two rules are survival and water your plants daily. There’s a lot of different styles of zombie gnomes at Chris and Jane’s Place, so if you like zombies and alienating yourself from your neighbors, check it out.

Buy the Zombie Gnomes Here

Gnome on the Throne

Everyone poops. Don’t act so surprised – they wrote an entire book on the subject. Mythological and possibly non-existent creatures are no different. This Gnome on the Throne shows a side of the gnomes we’d never seen before… nor did we want to.

Buy the Gnome on the Throne Here

Biker Gnomes

These Biker Gnomes make a cute couple, don’t they… at least until you get in their way at a Rolling Stones concert.

Buy the Biker Gnomes Here

Stripper Gnome

We better remember to bring singles home! This Stripper Gnome represents a small sub-sect of gnomes that don’t wear beards… and that’s not the only thing she’s not wearing!

Buy the Stripper Gnome Here

Jerry Hippie Gnome

Sure, the Jerry Hippie Gnome likes gardening as much as the next gnome… but it’s not fresh tomatoes that he‘s growing.  Promoting peace, love, and bad fashion (even by gnome standards), this burnout is the perfect spirit guardian for the soy gardens of your hippie commune.

Buy the Jerry Hippie Gnome Here

Hipster Gnome

“Gardening? I think there’s an app for that.” As a natural loiterer, the Hipster Gnome makes a great lawn decoration. He’s got the glasses, the scarf, and the Chuck Taylors – and he had them all before they were cool, as we’re sure he mentioned already.

(We were making hipster jokes before they were cool.)

Buy the Hipster Gnome Here

Solar Mooning Gnome

Tell passers-by what you really think of them! The next best thing to actually mooning everyone who walks past your house, this Solar Mooning Gnome sends a clear message that whoever owns this garden is a bit… off. But that’s not all – this little guy’s ass cheeks are solar-charged, so at night there’s more than just one moon in the sky!

Buy the Solar Mooning Gnome Here

Proper Gnomenclature: Misfit Garden Gnomes

Are you a prepper? Do you have a plan for when the SHTF? You know, like an EMP in the atmosphere wiping out civilization as we know it? Or maybe the zombie apocalypse?

Will you at least be tuning in to Doomsday Castle (premiering tonight at 10PM EST on National Geographic Channel)? At least while there’s still power? Well, if you’ve glanced at some of the recent deals here at Ben’s Bargains, you might think we’re prepping for the end of the world.

Here are 10 recent deals we’ve seen around Ben’s Bargains that’ll help you get by during times of civil unrest and social upheaval, catastrophic disasters and/or zombies (deals active at time of posting):

1) REI Outlet frequently discounts outdoor gear up to 75% off in their Mega Deals sale, plus you can get an extra 20% off one item at checkout through August 13th.

2) A good source for survival kits is eBay, where you can pick up a 26-Piece ASR Outdoor SK-4 Ultimate Outdoor Survival Kit for $22 shipped.

3) Groupon Goods is in on this survival thing with a 167-piece Genuine Emergency Preparedness and First Aid Kit for $15 with free shipping. You’ll usually find these for around $25 on Amazon.

4) Speaking of Amazon, this stylish Soviet Russian Gas Mask (Model GP-5) (pictured at right) is available there from $8.70 with free shipping on orders $25 or more.

5) If you can wait for overseas shipping through an international eBay seller, this Mini Portable Multifunctional Hunt Army 10-in-1 Camp Hiking Survival Compass is just $4.85 shipped. Just hope things don’t go south while you’re waiting. Ba-dum-tss!

6) Everything is better when it’s tactical, like this Every Day Carry Tactical Assault Bag EDC Backpack for $35 shipped from Altatac at eBay.

7) The Gerber Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival Serrated Knife is $34 with free shipping at Amazon. The Bear Grylls brand—the next best thing to tactical.

8) Have a handy store of undoubtedly delicious food with the Augason Farms 30-Day Food Storage Emergency Pail for $105 shipped from Overstock.com at eBay.

9) Cook your rat meat with an Ultralight Backpacking Canister Camp Stove for just $5.75 with free shipping at Amazon.

10) Last but not least, prepare for zombies with the Every Day Carry Zombie 3-Day Survival Disaster Preparedness Kit (5 Year Storage) (pictured at right) for $29 with free shipping from Altatac at eBay.

If any of the survival deals above have expired by the time you’ve read this,  you can create deal alerts (registration required) so you won’t miss them the next time they’re on Ben’s Bargains. You can also click the deal alert icon (the bell) on individual posts to receive an instant email alert. Hurry before time runs out!

10 Deals for the End of the World As We Know It