Have you ever chosen snoozing over your job?

For some of us, it’s a critical decision we make every single day of our lives. Those first moments in the early morning are a chaotic warzone where your primal love of sleep battles a gradually growing voice of reason. Regular alarm clocks don’t wake us up.  They just make us go back to sleep angry.

We’re not alone. There are many of us who, try as we might, just can’t succumb to the sweet wiles of responsibility.

For people that need extra help getting up, there’s a whole industry of alarm clocks that go the extra mile… to hell! These evil alarm clocks are the last thing we want in the morning, but exactly what we need.

Below, we list the 5 evilest alarm clocks, organized from least to most evil.

Sonic Bomb Dual Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker

If the bed is rockin’… maybe you should get up. The Sonic Bomb Dual Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker ($33.26) is designed specifically for people who sleep through most alarms, not really snoozers. The first assault is a 113-decibel sound blast that dwarves most alarms, coupled with a pulsating light show. But the heavy artillery is the vibrator unit placed under the bed or mattress. This desperate measure works miracles with even the heaviest sleeper.

Buy the Sonic Bomb Dual Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker Now

Walk Me Up! Alarm Clock App

You’re up, but so what? It won’t stay that way for long… unless you get moving. The Walk Me Up! Alarm Clock App (Free App) requires you to walk a certain amount of steps before the alarm turns off. You set up the number of steps you want, and can modify the step sensitivity. And don’t try to cheat! The advanced “shake” detectors will punish disobedience.

Buy the Walk Me Up! Alarm Clock App Now

Screaming Meanie

The Screaming Meanie ($31.95) is another alarm designed to wake up heavy sleepers, except with no pretense of courtesy. The reviews read like confessions from an S&M forum (“it just about blew me out of bed, and all I could think was ‘make it stop! make it stop!'”).

This loudmouth comes with three settings of audio levels similar to a vacuum cleaner, a lawnmower, and a full-throttle chainsaw. Many alarms only claim to hit 120 decibels, but real customers confirm this was one, unfortunately, really does.

Buy the Screaming Meanie Now

Alarmy (Sleep If U Can) Alarm App

Don’t be fooled by the cutesy name of the Alarmy (Sleep If U Can) Alarm App (Free App). It’s nickname of “The World’s Most Annoying Alarm App” is more accurate.

This user-friendly, user-hating technology only shuts off when the sleeper completes mild tasks. The most common is taking a picture in a specified location (where you first register the app), so for example, it won’t shut off until you take a picture of the toilet. Other options include a number of shakes and brain-waking arithmetic.

Buy the Alarmy (Sleep If U Can) Alarm App Now

SnūzNLūz Wifi Donation Clock

Last, we arrive at the evilest alarm clock in the world. The games are over, and this clock is not f*cking around. Instead of relying on gimmicks like loud noise or tasks, the SnūzNLūz Wifi Donation Clock ($39.99) uses psychological — and financial — warfare. Every time you snooze, it donates $10 or more to a charity/non-profit you hate.

While alarm clocks that shred your real money turned out to be illegal, this one uses a wifi connection to your bank account in order to waste your money responsibly. You choose the donation amount (at least $10) and recipient — anyone from the Republican Party, PETA, or your neighbor with the loud dog. This is the only clock that gets in your head to wake you up from the inside out.

Buy the SnūzNLūz Wifi Donation Clock Now

5 Evil Alarm Clocks That Will Force Snooze Addicts to Wake Up

Forget the alarm clock that forces you to get out of bed. I want to wake up to the sweet sound of Chewbacca screaming in Shyriiwook, the language of the Wookiees. Sold on Firebox, these old school alarm clocks will get you up in the morning by playing lines from the three Star Wars movies that are actually worth watching.

Depending on the alarm clock, you will be able to hear a Stormtooper barking at you, C-3PO and R2-D2 greeting you or Chewbacca’s guttural conversation skills. The clocks have been designed using the classic “twin-bell” look that was popular in decades past. However, the bells are only for decoration and have been painted or covered to reflect the Star Wars character.

Sound effects built into each alarm clock include:

• C-3PO & R2-D2: “Good Morning,” “Here we go again,” “Beep blip tweek beep bip beeep”
• Chewbacca: “Grrrrfffff,” “Argggghhhhh,” “Mrrrranh”
• Stormtrooper: “It’s them, blast them!”, “Do you know what’s going on?”, “Maybe it’s another drill?”, “Open the blast doors”, “Peeeew, Peeeeeew, Peeeeeew”

The alarm clocks run on three AA batteries and are small enough to sit on a standard bedside table. Each clock retails for £10.99 (about $17). 1,138 additional cool points are awarded to those who purchase a matching Star Wars iPhone 5 case to go with their clock. Check out the video below to hear the Star Wars alarm clocks in action:

Shut Up and Take My Money: Star Wars Talking Alarm Clocks

Finally starting to ship after raising over $150,000 on Kickstarter, the Ramos alarm clock is designed to make sure heavy sleepers and snooze button addicts actually get up at the right time. When the Ramos alarm clock goes off in the morning, the person in bed has to get up and walk to the remote, wireless, 5-inch by 7-inch Defuse Panel in order to punch in a four digit numeric code.

This is the only way to shut off the alarm since there is no button located on the clock that will deactivate the noisy wake-up call. You can choose your own four digit code or you can allow the Ramos to generate a random code for you each day. You basically have to check the display of the Ramos each morning to see the new code.

If you think you can just unplug the clock to turn off the alarm, you are out of luck. The Ramos comes with a battery backup that lasts several hours and will continue sounding the alarm if the clock is unplugged.

Think you can wake up ten minutes before the alarm goes off to tweak the alarm time? Wrong. Within thirty minutes of the alarm time, the Ramos goes into a lock-down mode and doesn’t allow any changes to the alarm time. However, if you do get up early, you can enter in the defuse code in order to disable the alarm before it goes off.

Incorporating a retro, Steampunk style into the design, the Ramos can be ordered in a variety of different wood grains. In addition, the Ramos can be ordered with a basic LED display or can be upgraded to tested Soviet Union “nixie tubes” that have a warm, neon glow and extremely stylish look. However, the Ramos alarm clock certainly isn’t cheap. The LED Ramos sells for $200 while the Nixie Ramos goes for $350. Early Kickstarter backers are starting to receive their Ramos alarm clocks, but new preorders are being taken for a May 2013 ship date.

Ramos alarm clock diabolically forces you to get out of bed