Ultimate Wish List… Of Things We Can’t Afford

By on November 15, 2013

You hear all the time about these billionaires who donate ridiculous sums of money to charity, and it’s like, “ohmigod, you’re wasting it!” You may be good at business or acting or being related to someone with money, but you really need to develop your skill of spending it. You know who are experts in the best ways to spend money? People who don’t have any!

So instead of working, we searched around the Internet for stuff we wish we could buy. You know, “if you had a million dollars…” type stuff. The Ultimate Wish List, because we want to be prepared when we make our first billion – we don’t want to make a rookie mistake like donating it to charity.

Terrafugia Car-Plane ($279,000)

Terrafugia Car-Plane

Yeah, like we’re the first people to immediately think of new transportation when the topic of “buttloads of cash” comes up. We scanned Lamborghinis, Ferraris, and even Batmobiles, but how can we differentiate ourselves from a guy with a mid-life crisis? One word: car-plane. Whether you’re traveling by land or by air — not by sea, but who cares, you got air! — the Terrafugia Car-Plane will get you there in style! While this is just a prototype, it’s enough to tide us over until the Jetson car is invented.

Martin Jetpack ($150,000)

Martin Jetpack

What do we do when our Terrafugia Car-Plane is in the shop? Well, we’re not going to walk! We’ll just take the Martin Jetpack, the way people will “walk” in the future. It can take off in a small space and has an automated hover feature, but it’s a bit bulky. Maybe we’ll distract people from its size with spinning rims…

Human Regenerator ($557,000 – $10 million)

Human Regenerator

What good is having all this money and cool stuff if we’re just going to die eventually!? Stupid fragile human body. Don’t worry, money will solve the problem. The makers of the Human Regenerator claim it uses quantum pulses to enhance the body’s natural frequencies… but we’re skeptical. If it works as well as they say, why did they have to cover it in gems?

Prima Cinema ($35,000)

Prima Cinema

It’s opening night: do you want your film experience to be riddled with sticky floors, obnoxious teenagers, and $80 popcorns, or would you like to enjoy the movie in your living room, on a big screen, with 2¢ microwave popcorn? Prima Cinema is more than just a home theater – it’s theater-quality and gives you access to movies at the same time as real theaters.

Game of Thrones Life-size Replica Throne ($30,000)

Game of Thrones Life-Size Replica Throne

You know… for our new Prima Cinema home theater.

Kuratas ($1.3 million)


So, with all our money, it’s time we start thinking about home security. But we’re more of the take-care-of-ourselves type, so we’ll save money on a security system and just buy the million-dollar mech warrior! Yeah, that’s right, the Kuratas is a working mech warrior with… get this… customizable weapons. We’re going to go with the hand gun for our first model, and then maybe invest in the lohas launcher when we get our second million.

World View Experience ($75,000)

World View Tour

Around 200 years ago, the best you could do with your money was a hot-air balloon. But after mankind walked on the moon, we expect something a little extra. How about some kind of balloon ride that takes us to the rim of space? (We’ve always wanted to go to space, but NASA’s been cancelled and those astronaut training videos seem intimidating…) The World View Experience takes up to 8 people on a four-hour ride to the actual edge of the Earth… try that with a hot-air balloon and see what happens.

About Matt Ellis

Freelance web writer. I like science, comics, and long walks on the beach. I write and draw this webcomic in crayon.

One Comment

  1. lepton

    November 15, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    The only other thing I might have put on the list is Virgin Galactic, the $200,000 trip into space.

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