Behold the World’s Most Tasteful Gift: Bacon
When it comes to bacon, I cannot lie, it’s not my favorite. And yet, with Oscar Mayer’s latest effort, I may just to have reconsider. The company made three exclusive bacon packages — The Commander, The Matador, and The Woodsman — as giftably presentable as any aged bottle of Scotch, imported cigar, or culinary masterpiece. Each boutique-like package boasts the four C’s, aka “the four facets of quality that transform an ordinary slice of pork belly into The Oscar Mayer Original Strip.”
Fine CUT, Dazzling COLOR, Timeless CONSISTENCY and Enduring CURE.
The Matador switches the money clip for a set of dashing cufflinks crafted to show the fine lines of bacon.
With these gifts, which are frequently sold out but restocked daily at Oscar Mayer, Oscar Mayer dares you to “say it with bacon” and “fall in love with the original strip.”
Seriously, never before have I had to balance a sudden salivating hunger while acknowledging the perfect degree of ingenious dry wit present in the following marketable declaration from Oscar Mayer: “When words aren’t enough… Say it with bacon.” If Stephenie Meyer could shape her prose half as well as these tender syllables, then we would all be in trouble.